ABOVE: MY HAIR
ABOVE: I'M A PUSSY CAT DOLL... I HAD TO ROCK THE WIG
I haven't posted anything in a while. Mostly because for the last 6 weeks I have been in the gym so much I should work there. I lost about 20 lbs. and thought I was on the right track to re-start my life. I felt and looked great. I got a new job at a hot Chicago Boutique and felt great. Then, he called. He said he wasn't sure if what he was doing was the right thing, he missed me, he cried and broke down in his car... I believed him because he is still my husband. I wanted things to work, I told him I'll be here and we can work things out.
After a full day of work, I called him. I told him I wanted to talk and asked him to come by. He said he was on the North side (my side of town) so he would. When he came, I immediately felt like he was distancing himself. He said nothing of what we talked about the previous night. He told me I am controlling, I don't like his friends, and I don't make him happy. This was basically everything he told me before. I broke down. I cried so hard, I told him to take me home. The last thing I said was "Don't call me unless it's about the Divorce or the money he owes me" for wrecking my motorcycle.
I was a mess the next day. My face was puffy from crying all night. A month after we separated he could come back in my life and knock me down and take away my progress. I didn't show up to work. Much less feed myself or take a shower. I told the boutique I won't be able to continue there. I feel defeated.
All this time at the gym boxing feels like nothing. I look great but I am a train wreck inside. I have no idea what to do... I skipped the gym today because I feel no progress.
Nov.1st he came with his best friend and dad to take all of his stuff. I gave him everything. I don't want him to say I am making it hard for him. Although that's what I hear he says. It's my fault... my friend said he likes to play the victim and get sympathy. How could I have loved him?
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