Hand wraps and heartbreak

For the past couple of nights I haven't been able to sleep through the night.  I get up every hour on the hour and turn, feel around in the spot next to me and find nothing.  Then I feel nothing inside.  It hasn't been easy to sleep alone after 4 years of being together.  But at the same time he hasn't called in a week to ask if I was alright.  Maybe because he know what the answer will be.

I talked to Nick this morning.  He woke me up at a quarter to ten.  "How are you feeling?"  The words couldn't come to mind right away. But I managed to tell him.  "you know," I said "He will never be the man I want him to be, and a husband is more than a warm body in the bed..." I started to cry. I think I made Nick get a little misty too.

I've been getting through this separation by going to the gym.  I run, I jump rope and then I put on my gloves and I box.  I have been playing in the gym since I was 19.  Training from fall to spring, then I didn't want to go any further because I didn't want to fight in the Golden Gloves.  I've had many excuses not to keep training, 100% of the time it was boyfriend/husband...  I'm tired of putting myself in second place when "I coulda been a contenda."  I am on my way to the gym now.  I have noticed that it is very therapeutic to hit the bags. But I have to remember to always be a lover and not only a fighter.  I don't want to end up a bitter, old, crazy cat lady... XOXO